


tell me what is heaven if our souls are split in two

by bleuboxes



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, The Infernal Devices Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Romance, Star Wars AU, also coherent timelines??? who is she????, and life is good, c-3po is a bit of a bitch but thats how it is, canon is fake and does not exist, ish, jem is luke, tessa is han, will is leia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-20
Updated: 2018-03-20
Packaged: 2019-04-04 23:04:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14030787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bleuboxes/pseuds/bleuboxes
Summary: Will is harsh lines and angles, he’s romantic poetry and eloquent books that Tessa would love to read if it wasn’t wartime, he’s the calm and the storm all at once, and Tessa loves it.But she's just a low life smuggler, so her opinion does't account for much.





	tell me what is heaven if our souls are split in two

**Author's Note:**

> literally have no time to write but i cranked this baby out instead of doing calculus!!!!!
> 
> anyway im emo and yet again re-reading the infernal devices and yet again falling in love with will herondale so like  
> its only RIGHT i write about tess and will.
> 
> title is from the song man by borns 
> 
> pls pardon any errors.

Tessa isn’t one to get caught up in galactic affairs. She keeps to herself and doesn’t ask questions. She does her work, pays her dues, and tries her best to stay off the radar of the Empire.

Up until now, that is.

Somehow the crowned prince of Aldreraan and some silly farm boy have wormed their way into her heart, and it’s just really fucking _inconvenient_ , if she’s being totally honest.

Inconvenient in the way that in just a short amount of time, two total and complete strangers have managed to make Tessa feel more alive than she ever has. The farm boy – James Carstairs – has an infinite kindness about him, and Tessa can’t ever seem to find it with herself to stay angry with him for long. There’s something in his bright grey eyes that is perpetually soft and emoting.

He’s just good – the type of good that people only dream they can be. The type of good that might have a chance of defeating Vader (if it ever found its way off whatever back-water planet it’s learning how to be a Jedi on).

The Prince – William Herondale – is a force to be reckoned with.

He’s a brat, not so much in the way that people who come from money usually are, but in just about every other way. He’s snarky and rude and sometimes unforgivably cruel, but there’s more to it than that. He cares so deeply for Jem – even after such a short time of knowing the other boy – and even though Tessa and Will argue every waking second of the day, she’s quite fond of him.

Tessa knows that he doesn’t do things by halves, which is why he’s one of the front runners of the rebellion, why he tells her to cut the shit when she’s talking about how bleak everything looks, why he says her name in an inflection that makes her feel like she isn’t just some low-life smuggler who got roped into a war she didn’t want to fight.

Tessa knows this is stupid and she feels so _fucking_ foolish for believing in it, but with Will and his headstrongness as a leading force in the rebellion, she sometimes truly thinks the rebellion’s got a chance.

What really pisses her off though, is how he’s so flamboyant and careless – he’ll do anything to save a friend, and it’s so unlike anything Tessa’s ever witnessed that her default reaction at first is to hate him.

She hates his pretty dark hair, his vibrant blue eyes, his stupid smirk that practically always is plastered on his face, the freckles that line the bridge of his nose, the way his muscles are taut against the stupid clothes that are issued by the rebellion.

She hates him. She hates him. _She hates him_. 

At least she’s trying to convince herself that she does.

(In case you were wondering, it’s not working.)

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

Tessa tries not to think about Will, about the way he says her name like it’s sacred when he’s nervous and she’s near.

He always seems to think that she’s going to just get up and go – like after all this time she’s been on base with this stupid rebellion she hasn’t grown fond of it. The truth of it all is that a secret part of Tessa has always been rooting for the rebellion; there’s nothing she hates more than the Empire – they’ve wronged too many undeserving people to gain even an ounce of pity from her – and to see it fall would give her great pleasure.

So, she stays.

She gathers supplies and information while she’s off world; she travels on her own, just her and the clockwork angel she wears around her neck – the only reminder of a family she can no longer remember. For the first time in her career as a smuggler she’s proud to be doing her work.

She just wishes it wasn’t so lonely.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

Time drags on. Tessa’s found that it’s impossible to hate William Herondale, and decides, while during an evacuation of a base, that she’s really like to press him against a wall and kiss him senseless.

And it’s not just her lust talking – there’s just something about him that has Tessa head over heels for the boy.

He’s not gentle in the same sense that Jem is, but he’s got this ease of softness that he shows only to specific people on very few occasions. Tessa’s been in the brunt of a few of these (she’s almost died a few times while he was in her company, so sue her). His blue eyes are always swimming with emotions – the thing about Will is that he emotes _constantly_. He may be reserved, and it may be hard to pinpoint exactly how he’s feeling, but you know – he feels and expresses so much it’s overwhelming.

He’s harsh lines and angles, he’s romantic poetry and eloquent books that Tessa would love to read if it wasn’t wartime, he’s the calm and the storm all at once, and Tessa _loves_ it.

He’s full of inconspicuous hand holding and round-about touches. He puts on a front to make him look tough and strong (because he’s a leader of the organization, _goddammit_ ), and he is – he’s one of the strongest people she’s ever known, but she’s there when he needs to crumble.

He’s a good-natured flirt, and a bit self-absorbed, but she can’t find it within herself to mind. Actually, that’s a big fucking lie. Tessa’s heart soars when he flirts with her; he has a way of being an absolute asshole but charming at the same time – his words make her feel like she’s someone special to him (which she is, but not in the way that she’d like to be). But he’s like that with everyone, and she can’t help but feel like maybe her brother was right – maybe she would be alone forever – after all, what good and honest person wants a scumbag smuggler as their lover.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

Another thing about Will - he calls her Tess when he’s worried, or scared, or when he’s not pissed off with her antics, or feeling exceptionally nice.

No one ever calls her Tess.

She doesn’t tell him how often she thinks of the way her name smoothly pours from his lips.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

The thing that really gets the ball rolling is when it’s just Will and her on the Falcon (C-3PO’s also there, but Tessa has a strange love-hate relationship with the droid, so she just pretends it isn’t even there).

Will’s trying to be a co-pilot, and well, he’s not bad – there’s obviously some talent behind the beginner’s luck, Tessa knows he spent more of his life being piloted than being an actual pilot.

They bicker and fight, and Tessa tries not to think of how stupid she is for even thinking she has a chance with a boy like him – all royalty and charm and good looks, while she’s in dirty trousers and a shirt looking like a dirty, messy human being. Her lips are too chapped, her hair's too tangled, she's too skinny, and she’s got too many scars to count.

Not even that, but the amount of crimes she’s committed is surely enough to get her incarcerated for life.

She tells Will as much, after he’s done telling a story about his childhood. He mentions their recent treasonous activities and says not to worry about the past.

She laughs but worries anyway.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

It’s not until later that her self-restraint really begins to falter.

It’s one thing sharing a base with a boy like Will, it’s another sharing a tiny tin can in space with him.

So of course, he runs into her just after she’s gotten out of the fresher. Of course, she’s got nothing, but a towel wrapped loosely around her. Of course, he’s in a mild state of undress.

“I thought you were piloting” she sputters – and he says the same thing.

They both share a look of panic, and that’s when everything goes to shit.

She rushes straight to the cabin, towel still wrapped around her, and tries her best not to crash into the incoming asteroid. Will stands behind her seat, she’s not sure how, but she can tell he’s worried and feeling a bit guilty.

There’s no way she’s going to miss the asteroid hurtling towards her, so she attempts to land the Falcon in a place where they won’t be spotted or smashed. There seems to be some type of cavern and she maneuvers her ship so that it enters and lands perfectly as it can given the severity of the situation.

Then she hears the sound of a bursting pipe, and the lights go out.

“This ship’s a piece of shit.” He murmurs.

“Fuck off, Herondale.” She mutters, aggressively standing from the captain’s seat and gripping the towel tight around her body. The angel weighs heavy around her neck. She wants to say something snarky in retribution, but she can’t – there’s more important things to consider at the moment than beating Will in a game of wits.

Tessa sighs; she loves her ship more than she loves a lot of things, but Will is right. The Falcon is a hunk of junk, no matter how fast or reliable she may be. It doesn’t help that Tessa’s still not dressed, and the lights are off.

“Come with me, please.” She calls over her shoulder as she walks out of the cabin. She hears him scurry after her. She rushes down the hall, Will shortly behind her, and stops abruptly by a loose panel.

“Take this off and turn the power back on. I’ll be back in a quick minute once I get some clothes on.”

“Aye Aye, Captain.”

“Don’t make me regret this.”

He grins.

Tessa really wishes he wasn’t so handsome.

While she’s putting on her pants, he somehow manages to get the power back. Now, that she’s fully dressed and isn't shrouded in darkness, she meets him back by the wall panel. She grabs his hand before he’s able to goad about getting the power back on and drags him to the common area. She lifts a metal grate off the floor; it’s heavy but she’s done it so many times she doesn’t mind. Tessa hops into the compartment, pulls her hair up into a bun, and wipes her hands on her pants. She quickly searches for the problematic pipe; she hears it hissing and creaking and tries to locate it that way.

She does find it.

It’s not in great condition.

“ _Will_?” she shouts, hoping he hasn’t wondered away.

“Yes?”

“I’m gonna need you to hand me some stuff – if you go to the cabinet over to your left – by the table – you’ll find a toolbox."

She hears him clang around and hopes that he’ll hurry up a bit. She’s not sure what’s leaking from the pipe, but she knows it isn’t good.

She orders him around a bit – he’s helpless with the associating the name of whatever she needs to the tool, which usually would annoy her, but she isn’t really that bothered, just stressed.

She eventually repairs the pipe. It takes longer than she’d hoped, but the jobs complete and there’s no reason to complain.

Except when Tessa climbs out of the compartment, she’s acutely aware of how she must look – her hairs a mess, she’s covered in oil, grease, dirt and sweat. She can feel the heat rise to her cheeks, Will won’t stop looking at her.

Tessa refuses to meet his gaze.

She knows she’s always been plain looking – not beautiful but not ugly either – and she’s always been wary of the male gaze. She’s sure Will’s going to tease her something awful about her appearance, and she’s not sure she blames him. It’s just she wishes she didn’t look so dirty or lowly in front of him.

He is a prince after all, and her dirtiness and commonness only remind her that what she wishes isn’t remotely possible.

He’s grown up in court, with beautiful women (and men) – the fact that Tessa even thought she could compare to those wealthy individuals makes her want to cry.

She leaves for the cabin as soon as possible, hoping to avoid an interaction with Will if she needs to.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

She’s messing around in the cabin when Will joins her. He’s quiet as a church mouse when he plops lazily into the chair beside her own.  She wishes they weren’t in such close quarters – he doesn’t seem to realize that he’s slowly killing her, breaking down every inch of self-discipline she has, ruining the uncaring façade of a smuggler that she’s built up for most of her life.

All because a stupid, handsome, wonderful boy.

She starts to become more aggressive with the controls in order to avoid thoughts of the vibrant blue eyed boy beside her, when a hand is gently placed upon her own. She nearly jumps a bit in surprise.

“ _Tess,_ ” he says gently, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing -nothing, just worried about Jem, that’s all.” The words stumble out of her mouth. She looks at her hands, not daring to look up at the Will, who she can feel peering intently at her.

“Bullshit.” He says bluntly, “You haven’t looked at me since we fixed that pipe, and I’m sure it’s because I fucked up somehow –“

“No, _no_ , Will,” she begins, “you’ve been wonderful; it’s me – it’s all me. I’m a mess with a trash ship -and I can barely do anything right. I’m worried for Jem, for you, and for the rebellion at large. What if we can’t do it? What if the deaths are all in vain? I can’t stand living in the same galaxy as Vader and the rest of the empire. I can’t stand the sympathizers and the people who remain indifferent. I’m worried for myself because I’ve never felt this strongly about something before and that _terrifies_ me – and then there’s you –“

“What do you mean, there’s me?”

Tessa laughs, “You – I’m _ridiculously_ fond of you. And I know it’s fucking stupid to fancy someone in a time and environment like this – there’s no place for love in war, but I can’t – I _can’t_ refuse to deal with it. You’re in my heart, Will Herondale; you've lodged your way into my heart and I’ve been trying to get you out, but I can’t. I know I’m not pretty enough, or wealthy enough, that I’m a criminal and a scoundrel, and that I’m the least dependable person in the _whole fucking rebellion,_ but I am being honest.” She sighs. She desperately hopes this won’t end badly.

“You’re a _bloody idiot_ , you know that, Tess?”

For a minute she’s confused, then he gets up from the chair and his lips are on hers. The next thing she knows, they’re kissing like their lives depend on it. Tessa's pressed hard against the captain’s chair, and Will’s hands are roaming her body – first cupping her cheeks, then gripping her hand, finally, one caresses her breast. Tessa’s smiling, and she can feel Will smiling against her lips. He kisses like he does everything else – with his whole heart and being. Tessa’s never felt more admired in her life. She grips his shirt like it’s a life line, and he’s about ready to unbutton her shirt when C-3PO barges in.

She really fucking hates that droid.

“We’re _busy, goddammit.”_ She grumbles at the droid, who apologizes and makes a hasty exit.

Will’s earnestly laughing at her now, and she wants to at least pretend to be angry with him, but she smiles despite herself.

“Shut up, asshole.”

He kisses her again, briefly this time.

“You are beautiful you know,” he says, looking her straight in the eyes, “Don’t ever think otherwise. You make me want to recite terrible poetry, to tell you all the embarrassing things I’ve done, to grow old with you, if we have the pleasure to. Please know I’m catastrophically in love with you.”

His hands finagle with the buttons on her shirt, and she kisses him again.

Perhaps the universe isn’t as cruel as it lets on.

 

**Author's Note:**

> comments/kudos/bookmarks are the bee's knees!  
> also - pls feel free to check out some of my other works :-)


End file.
